Peppa Pig- A Dark Comedy

I was going through some documents saved on my computer and I found this script a few people and I had written together for Drama class so enjoy lmao.

(Scene starts with Peppa and Goerge near the door fighting over the dinosaur.  Mommy pig is in the kitchen and daddy pig is sitting on the couch in the living room reading the newspaper. Calliou is outside spying on them.) 

Peppa: (Yells at Goerge) GIVE. ME. THE. TOY. 

George: (hesitates then runs away) Wahhhhh! 

Daddy Pig: (While George is running past him) Would you kids shut up 

Mommy Pig: (Pulls George and Peppa toward her as they are trying to run by) KIDS. What do you think you're doing? 

Peppa: (Anxiously) George wouldn't play with me, so I was going to take his toy, but he decided to go screaming through the house. 

Mommy Pig: (Turns both children around to face her and holds both of them tightly) Well, then don't do it again because if you do I swear I will- 

Daddy Pig: Eh can you stop shouting over there, I'm trying to read the newspaper.  You talk so loud Kim Jong-un could probably hear you all the way from North Korea. 

Mommy Pig: (Sighs) Okay.  Anyways, it’s time for dinner so go sit down.  Oh and Daddy pig, would you get off that couch and help me set the dinner table. 

Daddy Pig: Can’t you see I’m doing something?  Set the table yourself, you always do it yourself anyways. 

Mommy Pig sets the table herself while everyone else already sat down.   

Mommy Pig: George, don’t eat until AFTER we say our prayers. 

George: What happens if we don’t say our prayers before we eat? 

Peppa: Satan will come and steal your soul. 

George: No he won’t! 

Peppa: How do you know? 

George: Because you’re lying. Just like that time you lied and said if I didn’t wash my hands, I’d get an ST- 

Mommy Pig: SHUT UP! Both of you.  Now, let’s say our prayers. 

Calliou: (Calls someone on the phone) Hey dad, I just found a great place for pork. 

(Scene 2) 

Mommy Pig and Daddy Pig are arguing in the kitchen while Peppa and George are playing around in the living room. 

Mommy Pig: You never do anything! 

Daddy Pig: I pay the taxes.  I go to work every day and make us money.   

Mommy Pig: That’s like the only thing you do. You wake up, go to work, come home, read the newspaper, eat dinner, and sleep.  I’m sick of it.  If you want to live in this house, you better start doing some work around here too. 

Daddy Pig: You mean.... house chores and stuff? But aren’t you the housewife?  Cooking and cleaning is supposed to be your job. 

Calliou knocks on the door and Peppa opens it. 

Calliou: Where are your parents? 

Peppa: One second 

Peppa leaves and goes to the kitchen to call her parents, while George talks to Calliou about his family. 

Peppa: Mommy, someone’s at the door and wants to see you. 

Daddy Pig: Oh, is that your secret boyfriend or something?   

Mommy and Daddy pig follow Peppa to the door. 

Calliou: Ah hello there!  This young fellow here (points to George) has told me that you are mommy and daddy pig.   

Daddy Pig: We are.  What do you want? 

Calliou: Well...you see, I-uh...I am offering you a once in a lifetime FREE trip to Vegas.  Yeah, that’s right, a FREE, ONCE IN A LIFETIME, trip to Vegas!!!   

Peppa: Oh my gosh, Mommy can we go? 

Mommy: YES YES YES, OF COURSE WE CAN!!! 

Daddy Pig: Did you say free?  

George: Guys, what if this is a trick? 

Calliou: Shut up kid. 

The family (except for George) starts freaking out. 

Calliou: So...do you except the offer? 

Daddy Pig: Do we except it? Of course we do.  Guys, we’re going to Vegas. 

Calliou: Great, I just need you to sign this contract.  Put your credit card number on that line, social security number on that one, mother’s maiden name...  It’s for safety and stuff.... 

(Scene 3) 

Calliou: So, this is the hotel room. 

Mommy Pig: Why is there no furniture in here? 

Calliou: Listen, I said this was a free trip to Vegas, not a good one. 

Calliou: Okay I’ll be right back; you guys stay in here alright? 

Calliou leaves to check and see if his set up is okay. 

Mommy Pig: I want to leave. 

George: Thank you! 

Daddy Pig: What? Why? We just got here. 

Mommy Pig: I don’t trust this Calliou kid. 

Peppa: But Mommy, we’re in Vegas!  I’ve always wanted to go to the casino and gamble in Vegas.  And now we’re finally here. 

Mommy Pig: To get to Las Vegas from our home it would take about 3-4 hours.  We got here in 30 minutes. 

Daddy Pig: He probably took the toll road or something.  You’re looking too much into this. 

Mommy Pig: By plane. By plane daddy pig.  It would take us about 3 to 4 hours to get to Las Vegas by plane. 

Calliou: Hey guys!  

Mommy Pig: We’re leaving.  Peppa, if you want to stay with Daddy pig then that’s fine but George and I will be leaving now. 

Calliou: That’s a bummer.  I was just about to tell you guys that there’s a free spa treatment. 

Mommy Pig:  I mean maybe we can stay for a FEW hours. 

George: I don’t want to go to the spa! I want to go home... 

Daddy Pig: Then you can stay in the hotel room for all I care. I’m getting myself eye cucumbers. 

Mommy Pig: Peppa stay with George, so he doesn’t run off. 

(Scene 4) 

Mommy and Daddy pig are at the spa with Calliou. 

Mommy Pig: Ahhh, this feels nice.  Relaxing, without the kids.  No screaming or anything. 

Daddy Pig: (Reading newspaper) Yeah yeah okay. Now can you shut up. Donald Trump just tweeted something again. 

Mommy pig and Daddy pig start arguing over Daddy pig never “being a part of the family” 

Calliou: Trouble in paradise? How about you guys get in the sauna. 

Mommy Pig: Sure, why not? 

Calliou takes them to the sauna and locks the door. 

Daddy Pig: Um...excuse me?  (Bangs on door) Let us out! 

Mommy Pig and Daddy Pig keep banging on the door and screaming for help but Calliou just keeps turning the temperature of the sauna higher and higher. 

Calliou:  Let’s just turn the heat up a bit there... (calls Dad) Hey Dad, it’s me again. How do you like steamed ham? 

(Scene 5) 

Peppa and George are in the Hotel room. 

Peppa: Wow George, you really are the best.  I could be having the time of my life in the casino, but no! You just HAD to ruin it didn’t you 

George: I’m pretty sure we’re not even in Ve-- 

Peppa: Shut up! I don’t want to hear a peep out of you. Don’t make this any worse than it must be. 

Calliou walks into the hotel room. 

Peppa: Can we PLEASE go to the casino now, I’ve been waiting to gamble my whole life. 

George: Where are our parent’s? 

Calliou: You’ll see them later; we’re going to the pool first. 

George: No, I don’t want to go! 

Peppa: Stop being such a scaredy cat George.  Now shut up and let's go. 

Calliou is about to open the door to the spa when George decides to leave. 

George: ahhhh 

Peppa: George!  What are you doi- 

Calliou: (hits Peppa across the head with a gun) Now where did that little piggy go. 

George runs away as he sees Calliou trying to find him. 

George: Ah. (George falls over the dinosaur alerting Calliou that he’s in the hotel room) 

Calliou: (Goes in the hotel room) There you are.... 

Calliou drags George by George’s feet toward the spa room. 

(Scene 6) 

Calliou: Alright, dinners ready. 

Rosey: What do we have for dinner today Calliou? 

Calliou: Today, I made a very special meal of fried pork. 

Mother: That sounds delicious.  You know Calliou, your father and I think it’s great that you’re starting to help around the house.   

Father: (Sighs) They grow up so fast.  I remember when you were just a young 5-year-old kid, and now you’re almost 18! 

Calliou: Gilbert, what are you doing? You want some food too? 

Gilbert: Meow 

Calliou feeds Gilbert some pork but then Gilbert throws it up. 

Calliou: Awww, I guess Gilbert doesn’t like fried pork.